Taking Care of Our Elderly

As we count our wrinkles, noticing new pain on our joints and all other changes on our body we sometimes forget that our parents, too, growing old. Our father no longer the strong man who do everything for us, our mom no longer able to stand in kitchen very long to cook our favourite meal. The cycle has began. It is our turn to care for them and some say to pay back. 

But how do we adjust to that? We have left the nest and build another life and we have our own family to care too. When I was an active negotiator in Shah Alam, negotiating buying and selling, I noticed a saddening trend of elderly looking for smaller house because of the empty nest syndrome. A big house no longer viable for two or single parents where the children are away and the sometimes they prefer to have family time at home away from home with their staycation holidays. 

My sisters and I now taking care of our mom after dad passing last March 2016. She is only 73 but with her severe diabetes, we are afraid to leave her home alone when Adik is at work. We tried to get her to stay with me but it only lasted for a week with her berzikir at every opportunity asking me to send her home. She even said that she want to 'finish' at her own bed made me so sad to keep her here even though it is for her own benefits. 

Here is my experience taking care of our mother, our goal is for better quality of life for our mother and us. 

Hope you can use some of the tips for in caring of elderly parents:-

Talk to your doctor 

Never missed appointment, be with the doctor during check-up and never shy asking questions. Know the vital sign, read and always observes your parents so you can refer to doctor easily. For us, our mom has severe diabetes so I'll always make sure my sister to check her sugar pressure to be as best as it could. 

Then to make sure Mak follow the right diet and take her medicine. Exercise is out of picture becasue she can't walk without assistance now. 
  

Discuss with your siblings

To the sibling who lives with parents or the closest to the parents it is common you put the burden on your shoulders alone and this will give impression that you can have it under control or even worst, they will lepas tangan. To avoid that, do not assume the others 'should know your challenge'. Share the challenge, for example give simple update of sugar reading, her appetite, share and so on in your family Whatsapp group. 

Trust me, the update will tickles some bones and you will miss them and you will want to pay them a visit. Don't preach and don't compare. 

What if neither of the siblings stay with parents? Maybe everyone take turn visiting every weekend and call them daily even if you run out of things to talk to. A bi-monthly BBQ session or dinner sound fun too. 

Tell the aunts and uncles

I do this. Once in a while I called them asking the health and let them know how is my mom. Just I hope they will visit my mother more often. It used to be my late father driving around visiting them but after my father passing, they didn't return the favour by visiting Mak. So in return, I didn't visit them lol. I just call and let them know Mak situation. After all, Mak is their eldest sister, it is their duty. 

Tell your partner

Don't have the burden on yourself alone. Get your husband and your children involved. This is life cycle because their parents are getting old too. 


We have tried few options, stay with me but lasted for two weeks, then we sent her to daily home-care but it was stressful for her and quite troublesome for Adik to commute. For now we are lucky to have live in assistance to look after our mother. She is healthy, strong and most importantly quiet. She is our third try and so far everybody are happy.

My biggest wish is Mak will continue to be happy with us and pray for our happiness, as mother's pray has no hijab.